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Day 36 – There is no Courage without Vulnerability



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How this Journal Blog came into being

About the PTSD Symptom 1

About the PTSD Symptom 2

Alcohol Safety

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“What [the research participants with a strong sense of worthiness – those who feel there are worthy of love and belonging] had in common was a sense of courage. The original definition of courage when it first came into the English language, it’s from the Latin word Cor, meaning heart. And the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had had very simply the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others because, as it turns out, we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection …as a result of authenticity. They were willing to let go of who they though they should be, in order to be who they were …you have to absolutely do that for connection. The other thing that they had in common was this, they fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.”

Brené Brown ‘The Power of Vulnerability’

There is no Courage without Vulnerability


I fully believe that the human body has the ability and capacity to heal itself.


In respect of emotional healing, I think it takes the courage to be vulnerable and the commitment to work through the pain and discomfort.


Alcohol misuse is all too often a protection mechanism to cover over pain and uncomfortable emotions.


When I travelled to Iceland in 2017 we visited the art museum in Reykjavik. At that time they had a wonderful exhibition by Yoko Ono on display. There were various exhibits in her collection that were interactive. This particular one really struck a chord with me and I felt compelled to get involved in it.


At this time, I was in the midst of my alcohol problem. I was fully aware of it and desperately seeking support to overcome it. Unfortunately, being high-functioning I did not meet the threshold to be worked with 1-2-1 immediately through the local drug and alcohol service. I also struggled to get support through the NHS counselling service and the local Sexual Assault Referral Centre (despite my dependency on alcohol being linked to my scars from sexual abuse). Prior to 2017 I was laughed at by both people I spoke to from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) – not in a nasty way, but neither could understand my anguish with my own alcohol problem because I had a house, a partner and a job that I loved. My addiction and dependency on alcohol was not at a level dark enough by their experience for them to be able empathise with me – and hence I did not try AA again in 2017.


Professional support was not forthcoming at this time.


Just a few months on from being in Reykjavik, in May 2017 I went Teetotal. I was able to do so by opening up and being vulnerable with a group of friends at that time. This was the most liberating experience and was key in my success to finally become alcohol-free.


These were the words that I wrote in the social media post after visiting the art museum in Reykjavik:


1st February 2017

Even the most broken human can be pieced back together, albeit with scars, but stronger and with a new perception of the world. Love can heal any broken heart


I don't mean romantic love either. I mean love and compassion from those around us, friends, family, acquaintances and strangers alike. And most importantly of all, love and compassion for yourself & towards yourself 😊 ❤


(At the art museum on Monday there was a brilliant interactive exhibition by Yoko Ono. At this part this is what I made & why - a heart shape with the word love across it)


Day 36 - 365 Day Journal

Reflections


PTSD Symptom

I think the symptom has finally subsided. I had a great phone call with a potential new therapist to try EMDR and I think this helped. I look forward to setting up an appointment with this therapist to see if her methods are able to help me.


Monday Night

Things that were awesome today:

I loved the sunshine and warm weather today!


I love working from home in order to be able to see daylight most of the day and to be able to get out in the garden between clients.


I really enjoyed the weightlifting technique session with a new client today. He has been a fan of mine on social media for some time and so I offered him a free session to meet me and to experience how I work. Hopefully, I will work with him again in the near future.


Tuesday Morning

Things that I am grateful for:

Another blue sky day!


Health Dashboard


Caffeine, Alcohol & Alcohol Free Beverages

0



Fitness

Low Intensity

Row, Run


Moderate Intensity

-


Strength & Mobility

-


Veggies & Fruit

Red cabbage

Lettuce

Tomato

Pepper

Mushrooms

Avocado

Courgette

Onion

Garlic

Spinach

Kale

Ginger

Turmeric


Meditation & Mindfulness

Morning – Guided meditation

Before bed – Guided meditation

Day 35 - 365 Day Journal

Reflections


PTSD Symptom

Last night was incredibly challenging. I had only 4 hours of disturbed sleep as the PTSD symptom lingered on from being triggered on Thursday afternoon. Stress was definitely coursing thought my veins. I reached out to some new therapists via email in order to try EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), as I am not sure whether IFS (Internal Family Systems) will help process the physical memory of the original abuse. EMDR seems to be regarded as the gold standard for processing traumatic memories.


Sunday Night

Things that were awesome today:

I had my first run in my new running trainers and it was AWESOME! After a disappointing row in the morning following a very disturbed night of sleep, my run went very well! I felt like Zebedee with a spring in my stride on every step. The shoes felt great and I clocked my best time on the 2 mile course I use, knocking 6 minutes and 42 seconds off my slowest times from January 2021 at the same heart rate (low heart rate for aerobic capacity training).


Monday Morning

Things that I am grateful for:

Continuing to not drink alcohol despite the extreme stress I am experiencing with the PTSD symptom


Health Dashboard


Caffeine, Alcohol & Alcohol Free Beverages

0


Fitness

Low Intensity

Run


High Intensity

Indoor Row



Strength & Mobility

-


Veggies & Fruit

Butternut squash

Carrots

Parsnips

Green beans

Onions

Mushrooms

Courgettes


Meditation & Mindfulness

Morning – Silent meditation

Before bed – Guided meditation

Throughout the night – Guided meditation

I ask all readers to be respectful. This is an honest and heart-felt account of the struggle I have incurred.


I thank you in advance for your respect and kindness and I encourage you to sign up to my mailing list so I can notify you about new blog updates.


If you are struggling with any of the issues raised in my blogs please get in touch. Your conversations with me will remain confidential. Please note that I am not a therapist but I can support you to find a way to address any issues you may be experiencing.




Copyright 2021 Val Craft – All Rights Reserved

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